So we begin again because the Journey never ends...
I've remained silent for several dark years. My children have been unleashed into the world, both amazing human beings, perhaps because of me , perhaps in spite of me, perhaps some of both. Amazing just the same. This new freedom has transformed the landscape on this Journey.
As with any Spirit Journey, I continue to face my inner and external demons as a warrior. I have confronted my predatory tendencies towards others with humility. I have slammed into to the reaches of many dead ends, confirming that I must abandon my old concept of who I am and what my purpose is in this world. It has turned me inside out and burned away any remnants of my past self. All that is left is the Journey and I am the nomadic journeyer. The choices on this Infinite Journey have narrowed.
In retrospect, I have witnessed the lives of many who have reached a pinnacle of notoriety for their spiritual leadership and reputation fall precipitously. Examples range from self proclaimed Spiritual Masters to Western Yogis. Once they reach a pinnacle, it is only a matter of time before they to crash and burn. Their downfall comes in many forms. Some, consumed by ego, loose their followers only to be replaced by the next pop-culture guru to arrive on the scene. I've seen degrading health result in miserable and early deaths. I've observed organizations dissolve from sheer egoism, some rebranded in desperate attempts to remain viable as their influence diminishes.
My long silence has not meant that my Journey was suspended. Quite to the contrary. Since my last post, I entered a very narrow and demanding stretch on the Infinite Journey. I witnessed my youngest son face death for the second time in his 19 years of existence - paralyzed and unable to speak. His sheer will force brought him back to health. My oldest son, who was forced into special education class in middle school, now a PHD candidate in Mathematics.
I watched helplessly as last of my wealth withered into oblivion. I gave up all but the most essential possessions, and embarked on a new leg of my Infinite Journey. Not without denial and futile efforts to regain what reputation I had lost.
I remain grateful. Grateful that I kept my heart as the center guide on this Journey. The mind is too deceiving to be trusted. I too could have held on longer to achieve new heights as a spiritual guide or startup executive, only to crash and burn as I have seen happen to so many others - far too many to list here.
Gratitude! My thoughts continually return to Monkey Man's first post on this Skaijourney Blog. Rushing to the tree top at dawn to marvel at the sunrise. Not because of its beauty, but because of its stark reminder at how fragile and precious life is:
"As
the horizon begins to brighten, I sit. Like a child, seeing the sun
rise from the darkness for the very first time, I await - To relish this
event in awe and astonishment.
I am but a small Monkey in the Spirit Forest. I live on an insignificant rock - chasing a fiery ball of gas as it is hurled through the vast and seemingly infinite vacuum of space."
I now walk this path seeking every reminder of the improbability of my existence. The fact that we exist is miracle enough to inspire us through even the darkest days on the Infinite Journey.
I am pleased to say, that Journey continues, and I continue on it with gratitude!
